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C J Dennis - Sawin` Wood
Work rating: Low

I wondered wot was doin`. First I seen
Ole Missus Flood wave signals to Doreen.
   I`m in the paddick slashin` down some ferns;
   She`s comin` up the road; an` if she turns
An `andspring I won`t be su`prised a bit,
The way she`s caperin`, an` goin` it.

She yells out some remark when she gets near,
Which I don`t catch, I`m too fur off to `ear.
   An` then Doreen comes prancin` to our door,
   An` Missus Flood she sprints, an` yells some more;
My wife runs to the gate an` waves `er arms...
But I lays low; I`m used to these alarms.

A married bloke, in time, `e learns a bit;
An` `e ain`t over keen to throw a fit
   Each time the women calls the fire-reel out.
   It`s jist a trifle `e`ll know all about
When things get normal. That`s a point I learn;
So I saws wood, an` keeps on cutting fern.

At least, I cut a few. I got to give
Reel fac`s, an` own I was inquisitive;
   An` these `ere fireworks gets me fair perplexed.
   I watch the `ouse to see wot `appens next;
But nothin`s doin`. They jist goes in,
An` leaves me wonderin` wot`s caused the din.

I stands it for a full `arf-hour or more;
Then gets dead sick uv starin` at the door.
   I goes down to the `ouse an` `unts about
   To find some `baccer, which I `ave no doubt
Is in me trousers pocket all the while.
When I goes in, the talk stops, an` they smile.

I sez I`ve lost me smoke, an` search a bit,
An` ask Doreen wot `as become uv it,
   An` turns the mantelshelf all upside-down,
   An` looks inside the teapot, with a frown;
Then gives it up, an` owns I`d like a drink;
When Missus Flood sez, "Bill, wot do you think?"

Now, ain`t that like a woman? Spare me days,
I`ll never get resigned to all their ways.
   When they `as news to tell they smile, an` wink,
   An` bottle it, an` ask yeh wot yeh think.
It`s jist a silly game uv theirs, an` so,
I gives the countersign: "Wot? I dunno."

"Then guess," she sez. Well, I`m a patient bloke,
So I sits down an` starts to cut a smoke.
   (To play this game yeh`ve got to persevere.)
   "Couldn`t," I sez, "if I guessed for a year";
Then lights me pipe, an` waits for `er to speak.
At last she says, "Jim`s comin` back next week!"

"Go on," sez I; an` puffs away awhile
Quite unconcerned. But for to see `er smile
   Was jist a treat: `er eyes was shinin` bright,
   An` she grow`d ten years younger in a night.
Jist `ere, Doreen she sez to me, "Good Lor,
Wot do yeh want two plugs uv `baccer for?"

I takes me pipe out uv me mouth an` stares,
An` stammers, "Must `ave found a piece -- somewheres."
   But, by the way she smiles -- so extra sweet --
   I know she twigs me game, an` I am beat.
"Fancy," she sez. "Yeh`re absent-minded, dear.
Sure there was nothin` else yeh wanted `ere?"

"Nothin`," I sez, an` feels a first-prize fool;
An` goes outside, an` grabs the nearest tool.
   It was the crosscut; so I works like mad
   To keep me self-respeck from goin` bad.
"This game," I tells meself, "will do yeh good.
You ain`t proficient, yet, at sawin` wood."
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