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C J Dennis - Langwidge
Work rating: Low

"The flamin` cows!" `e ses; `e did, an` worse;
   `Twas `orrible the langwidge that `e used.
It made me blood run cold to `ear `im curse;
   An` me that taken-back-like an` confused;
   W`ile them poor beasts `e belted an` abused.
"They couldn`t shift," `e ses, "a blanky `earse!
                      The flamin` cows!"

"The flamin` cows!" You oughter `eard `im curse.
   You would a bin that shocked. . . . An` the idear!
`Im usin` such remarks about a `earse;
   An` `is own brother buried not a year.
   "Not move a blanky `earee!" `e ses. My dear,
You `ardly could imagine langwidge worse.
                      "The flamin` cows!"

"The flamin` cows!" Wot would the parson say?
   An` `im so friendly-like with `im an` `er.
I pity `er; I do, `cos, in `er way.
   She is respectable. But `i! It`s fur
   From me, as you well know, to cast a slur,
On anyone; but wot I `eard that day. . . .
                      "The flamin` cows!"

"The flamin` cows!" I know quite well that we
   Ain`t wot you`d call thin-skinned; and nasty pride
Is wot I never `ad.... But `er! ... W`y she --
   She`s allus that stuck-up an` full o` side;
   A sorter thing I never could abide.
An` all the time `er `usband.... Goodness me!
                      "The flamin` cows!"

"The flamin` cows!"  O` course `e never knowed
   That I was list`nin` to `im all the w`ile.
`E muster bin a full hour on the road;
   An`, Lord, you could `a` `eard `im for a mile.
   Jes` cos they stuck `im in that boggy sile:
"If they ain`t blanky swine," `e ses, "I`m blowed!
                      The flamin` cows!"

"The flamin` cows!"  W`y, if it `ad occurred,
   An` me not `eard, I`d `ardly think it true.
An`, you know well, I wouldn`t breathe a word
   Against a livin` soul, I don`t care `oo;
   Not if the Queen of Hingland arst me to.
But, oh! that langwidge! If you only `eard!
                      "The flamin` cows!"

"The flamin` cows!" `e ses,, an` more besides.
   An` fancy! `Im! To think that `e would swear!
W`y "Blarst!" `e sez...  Yes! "Blarst the`r blanky `ides!"
   (Oh, you may well throw up your `ands an` stare!)
   Yes - "Blarst," `e ses, "the`r blanky `ides an` `air!
I`ll out the blanky skin off er the`r sides!
                      The flamin` cows!"
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