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C J Dennis - Vi`lits
Work rating: Low

I wus pickin` gipsy vi`lits fer to try an` square Doreen.
We `ad words . . .  about pianners - fer she wants one awful keen -
   `Igh words, about `igh-toned idears - an`, like a love-sick fool,
   `Ere I`m pickin` gipsy vl`llts when the kid come `ome frum school.
`E started school a month ago, an` ain`t got very far;
But, judgin` be the scraps `e `as, `e`s takin` after Par.


I tips there`s somethin` wrong, the way `e sneaks around the `ouse.
An` then I seen `is eye. Oh, strike! `E `ad a bonzer mouse!-
   A reel black-eye, that, in me day, I would `a` worn wiv pride.
    But I`m a father now, an` sez, "`Ere, son, you git inside
An` show yer mother that there eye.  `Ow did it come about?"
Sez `e, "A big bloke gimme that.  I knocked the beggar out!"

I looks fer `arf a second at the fambily disgrace,
Then I picks another vi`lit so `e couldn`t see me face.
   I wus grinnin` most unfatherlike, an` feelin` good inside.
   "You show yer Mar that eye uv yours.  I`m `shamed uv you!" I lied.
I watch `im creep inside the `ouse, an` `ear `is mother`s yell.
An` then I straightens up me face an` goes inside as well.


`Twus raw beef-steak an` vinegar, an` tears, before she`s done.
An` the sort uv look she gimme sez, "Yeh see `ow `e`s begun!"
   I don`t disturb the rites excep` to give some kind advice.
   In younger days I`ve caught black-eyes, an` give `em once or twice.
"That big boy should be punished," sez Doreen, "`oo `it our Bill."
I pats the `ero`s bandages, an` answers `er, "`E will."


That ev`nin`, down be`ind the shed, near where the scrub grows dense,
I gives young Bill a lesson in the art uv self-defence.
   I teaches `im an uppercut that Ginger Mick tort me
   In ole days, down in Spadger`s Lane. I gits down on me knee
To show `im `ow to time `is `it. `E sneaks beneath me guard
Quite sudden, while I`m yappin`, an` `e cracks me one reel `ard.


Did it please me?  Wot do you think?  Strike!  That kid `as got the knack!
An` it pleased me all to pieces `ow the ole game all came back:
   Left-swings an` jolts an` short-arm jabs - the `ole dash box uv tricks,
   Sich as we used down in the Lane when we wus short uv bricks.
I`m showin` `im a fancy `it, a reel ole ding-dong clout,
When the murderin` young savage tries to knock me front teeth out!


Uv course, `e `urt `is little `and, an` fetches out a yell
That brings Doreen down double quick.  An` then - it wus merry `ell.
   She grabs the kid up in `er arms, an` gives me sich a look
   As I ain`t seen since years ago, when I done - somethin` crook.
"You`ll `ave `im like you wus!" she cries.  "I`d sooner see `im dead!
You want to make`im . . . " "Don`t," I sez. "We`ll take the rest as said."


It `urt to see `er shieldin` `im as tho` I wus a plague.
An` ain`t `e mine as much as `ers ?   Yet, I seen, sort o` vague,
   The woman`s way she looked at it, the picters that she `ad
   Uv young Bill goin` to the pack, an` follerin` `is dad.
I tries me `ardest to ixplain, an` made some fool ixcuse;
But I`m marri`d to a woman, an` - Aw, wot`s the flamin` use ?


I tells `er if we`d `ave young Bill keep up `is end at school
`E will `ave to use `is flippers; but I sez it like a fool.
   I sez it like I wus ashamed to `ave `im learn to fight,
   When all the time, down in me `cart, I knoo that I wus right.
She just gives me another look, an` goes in wiv the kid.
An` me? I picks them vi`lits up, not knowin` wot I did.


I `as them fool things in me `and when I lobs in the `ouse,
An` makes bets wiv meself about the chances that she`ll rouse.
   But `er, she comes the calm an` cold.  Think`s I, "`Ere`s where I fall
   Fer a forty-quid pianner, if I want to square it all,
Goo`-bye to forty lovely quid - time-paymint, fifty-three -
Then all at once she smiles an` sez, "Did you pick those fer me?"


"Did you pick those fer me," she sez. "Oh, Bill!" `an then, "Oh, Bill!"
I `ints I `ad idears to leave `em to `er in me will.
   She grabs them dilly vi`lits, an` she `olds `em to `er nose.
   "Oh, Bill!" she smiles, "You alwus knoo `ow fond I wus uv those!
Oh, Bill!  You dear!" She `ugs me then, jist in the same ole way.
`Struth! I`m marri`d to a woman, an` . . .  I`ll learn young Bill some day!
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