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C J Dennis - Duck an` Fowl
Work rating: Medium

Now, when a bloke `e cracks a bloke fer insults to a skirt,
   An` wrecks a joint to square a lady`s name,
They used to call it chivalry, but now they calls it dirt,
   An` the end of it is cops an` quod an` shame.
Fer insults to fair Gwendoline they `ad to be wiped out;
But Rosie`s sort is jist fair game-when Ginger ain`t about.

It was Jimmie Ah Foo`s cook-shop, which is close be Spadger`s Lane,
   Where a variegated comp`ny tears the scran,
An` there`s some is "tup`ny coloured," an` some is "penny plain,"
   Frum a lawyer to a common lumper-man.
Or a writer fer the papers, or a slaver on the prowl,
An` noiseless Chows a-glidin` `round wiv plates uv duck an` fowl.

But if yeh wanted juicy bits that `ung around Foo`s perch
   Yeh fetched `em down an` wolfed `em in yer place.
An` Foo sat sad an` solim, like an `oly man in church,
   Wiv an early-martyr look upon `is face;
Wot never changed, not even when a toff upon a jag
Tried to pick up Ginger`s Rosie, an` collided wiv a snag.

Ginger Mick`s bin at the races, an` `e`d made a little rise,
   `Avin` knowed a bloke wot knowed the trainer`s cook.
An` easy money`s very sweet, as punters reckernise,
   An` sweetest when yeh`ve prized it orf a "book."
So Ginger calls fer Rosic, an` to celerbrate `is win
`E trots `er down to Ah Foo`s joint to splash a bit uv tin.

There wus lights, an` smells of Asia, an` a strange, Chow-`aunted scene;
   Floatin` scraps of forrin lingo `it the car;
But Rose sails in an` takes `er scat like any soshul queen
   Sich as stokes `erself wiv foy grass orl the year.
"Duck an` Fowl" `s `er nomination; so ole Ginger jerks `is frame
`Cross to git some fancy pickin`s, an` to give `is choice a name.

While Ginger paws the tucker, an` `as words about the price,
   There`s a shickered toff slings Rosie goo-goo eyes.
`E`s a mug `oo thinks `e`s `it a flamin` `all uv scarlet vice
   An` `e picks on gentle Rosie fer a prize.
Then `e tries to play at `andies, an` arrange about a meet;
But Rosie fetches `im a welt that shifts `im in `is seat.

Ginger`s busy makin` bargins, an` `e never seen the clout;
   `E is `agglin` wiv Ah Foo fer `arf a duck;
But the toff`s too shick or silly fer to `cave `is carkis out,
   An` to fade while goin`s good an` `e`s in luck.
Then Ginger clinched `is bargin, an`, as down the room `e came,
`E seen the toff jump fritm `is seat, an` call the girl a name.

That done it.  Less than larf a mo, an` `ell got orf the chain;
   An` the swell stopped `arf a ducklin` wiv `is neck,
As Ginger guv the war-cry that is dreaded in the Lane.
   An` the rest wus whirlin` toff an` sudden wreck.
Mick never reely stoushed `im, but `e used `im fer a mop.
Then someone doused the bloomin` glim, an` Foo run fer a cop.

Down the stairs an` in the passidge come the shufflin` feet uv Chows,
   An` a crash, as Ah Foo`s chiner found it`s mark.
Fer more than Mick `ad ancient scores left over frum ole rows,
   An` more than one stopped somethin` in the dark.
Then the tabbies took to screamin`, an` a Chow remarked "Wha` for?"
While the live ducks quacked blue murder frum their corner uv the floor.

Fer full ten minutes it was joy, reel willin` an` to spare,
   Wiv noise uv tarts, an` Chows, an` ducks, an` lash;
An` plates uv fowl an` bird`s-nest soup went whizzin` thro` the air,
   While `arf-a-dozen fought to reach Foo`s cash.
Then, thro` an open doorway, three Chows` `eads is framed in light,
An` sudden in Mick`s corner orl is gentle peace an` quite.

Up goes the lights; in comes the cops; an` there`s a sudden rush;
   But the Johns `as got `em safe an` `emmed `em in;
An` ev`ryone looks innercent.  Then thro` the anxious `ush
   The toffs voice frum the floor calls fer a gin…
But Mick an` Rose, 0 where are they?  Arst uv the silent night!
They `ad a date about a dawg, an` vanished out o` sight.

Then Foo an` orl `is cousins an` the ducks torks ori at once,
   An` the tabbies pitch the weary johns a tale,
`Ow they orl is puffick ladies `oo `ave not bin pinched fer munce;
   An` the crooks does mental sums concernin` bail.
The cops they takes a name er two, then gathers in the toff,
An` lobs `im in a cold, `ard cell to sleep `is love-quest off.

But down in Rosie`s kipsie, at the end uv Spadger`s Lane,
   `Er an` Mick is layin` supper out fer two.
"Now, I `ate the game," sez Ginger, "an` it goes agin the grain;
   But wot`s a `elpless, `ungry bloke to do?"
An` `e yanks a cold roast chicken frum the bosom uv `is shirt,
An` Rosie finds a ducklin` underneath `er Sund`y skirt.

So, when a bloke fergits `imself, an` soils a lady`s name,
    Altho` Romance is dead an` in the dirt,
In ole Madrid or Little Bourke they treats `im much the same,
    An` `e collects wot`s comin` fer a cert.
But, spite uv `igh-falutin` tork, the fact is jist the same:
Ole Ginger Mick wus out fer loot, an` played a risky game.

To fight an` forage… Spare me days!  It`s been man`s leadin` soot
    Since `e learned to word a tart an` make a date.
`E`s been at it, good an` solid, since ole Adam bit the froot:
    To fight an` forage, an` pertect `is mate.
But this story `as no moral, an` it `as a vulgar plot;
It is jist a small igzample uv a way ole Ginger`s got.
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