---

C J Dennis - War
Work rating: Low

`E sez to me, "Wot`s orl this flamin` war?
   The papers torks uv nothin` else but scraps.
An`wot`s ole England got snake-`eaded for?
   An` wot`s the strength uv callin` out our chaps?"
`E sez to me, "Struth!  Don`t she rule the sea?
Wot does she want wiv us?" `e sez to me.

Ole Ginger Mick is loadin` up `is truck
   One mornin` in the markit feelin` sore.
`E sez to me, "Well, mate, I`ve done me luck;
   An` Rose is arstin`, `Wot about this war?`
I`m gone a tenner at the two-up school;
The game is crook, an` Rose is turnin` cool.

`E sez to me, "`Ow is it fer a beer?"
   I tips `im `ow I`ve told me wife, Doreen,
That when I comes down to the markit `ere
   I dodges pubs, an` chucks the tipple, clean.
Wiv `er an` kid alone up on the farm
She`s full uv fancies that I`ll come to `arm.

"`Enpecked!" `e sez.  An` then, "Ar, I dunno.
   I wouldn`t mind if I wus in yer place.
I`ve `arf a mind to give cold tea a go -
   It`s no game, pourin` snake-juice in yer face.
But, lad, I `ave to, wiv the thirst I got.
I`m goin` over now to stop a pot."

`E goes acrost to find a pint a `ome;
   An` meets a pal an` keeps another down.
Ten minutes later, when `e starts to roam
   Back to the markit, wiv an ugly frown,
`E spags a soljer bloke `oo`s passin` by,
An` sez `e`d like to dot `im in the eye.

"Your sort," sez Mick, "don`t know yer silly mind!
   They lead yeh like a sheep; it`s time yeh woke -
The `eads is makin` piles out uv your kind!"
   "Aw, git yer `ead read!" sez the soljer bloke.
`Struth! `e wus willin` wus that Kharki` chap;
I `ad me work cut out to stop a scrap.

An `as the soljer fades acrost the street,
   Mick strikes a light an` sits down on `is truck,
An` chews `is fag - a sign `is nerve is beat -
   An` swears a bit, an` sez `e`s done is luck.
`E grouches there ten minutes, maybe more,
Then sez quite sudden, "Blarst the flamin`war!"

Jist then a motor car goes glidin` by
   Wiv two fat toffs be`ind two fat cigars;
Mick twigs `em frum the corner uv `is eye -
   "I `ope," `e sez, "the `Uns don`t git my cars.
Me di`mons, too, don`t let me sleep a wink…
Ar, `Struth! I`d fight fer that sort - I don`t think."

`E sits there while I `arness up me prad,
   Chewin` `is gag an` starin` at the ground.
I tumbles that `e`s got the joes reel bad,
   An` don`t say nothin` till `e comes around.
`E sez `is luck`s a nark, an` swears some more.
An` then: "Wot is the strength uv this `ere war?"

I tells `im wot I read about the `Uns,
   An` wot they done in Beljum an` in France,
Wiv drivin` Janes an` kids before their guns,
   An` never givin` blokes a stray dawg`s chance;
An` `ow they thing they got the whole world beat.
Sez `e, "I`ll crack the first Ducth cow I meet!"

Mick listen, while I tell `im `ow they starts
   Be burnin` pore coves `omes an` killin` kids,
An` comin` it reel crook wiv decent tarts,
   An` fightin` foul, as orl the rules forbids,
Leavin` a string uv stiff-uns in their track.
Sez Mick, "The dirt cows!  They wants a crack!"

`E chews it over soid fer a bit,
   Workin` `is copper-top a double shift.
I don`t need specs to see that `e wus `it
   be somethin` more than Rosie`s little rift.
"If they`d done that," `e sez, "out `ere - Ar, rats!
Why don`t ole Eng;and belt `em in the slats?"

Then Mick gits up an` starts another fag.
   "Ar, well," `e sez, "it`s no affair uv mine,
If I don`t work they`d pinch me on the vag;
   But I`m not keen to fight so toffs kin dine
On pickled olives . . . Blarst the flamin` war!
I ain`t got nothin` worth the fightin` for.

"So long," `e sez.  "I got ter trade me stock;
   An` when yeh `ear I`ve took a soljer`s job
I gave yeh leave to say I`ve done me block
   An` got a flock uv weevils in me knob."
An` then, orf-`anded-like, `e arsts me: "Say,
Wot are they slingin` soljers fer their pay?

I tells `im; an` `e sez to me, "So long.
   Some day this rabbit trade will git me beat."
An` Ginger Mick shoves thro` the markit throng,
   An` gits `is barrer out into the street.
An` as `e goes, I `ears `is gentle roar:
"Rabbee! Wile Rabbee! . . .  Blarst the flamin` war!"
Source
The script ran 0.002 seconds.