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James Weldon Johnson - The Rivals
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Look heah! Is I evah tole you `bout de curious way I won
Anna Liza? Say, I nevah? Well heah`s how de thing wuz done.

Lize, you know, wuz mighty purty —dat`s been forty yeahs ago —
`N `cos to look at her dis minit, you might`n spose dat it wuz so.

She wuz jes de greates` `traction in de county, `n bless de lam`!
Eveh darkey wuz a-co`tin, but it lay `twix me an` Sam.

You know Sam. We both wuz wukin` on de ole John Tompkin`s place.
`N evehbody wuz a-watchin` t` see who`s gwine to win de race.

Hee! hee! hee! Now you mus` raley `scuse me fu` dis snickering,
But I jes can`t he`p f`om laffin` eveh time I tells dis thing.

Ez I wuz a-sayin`, me an` Sam wuked daily side by side,
He a-studyin`, me a-studyin`, how to win Lize fu` a bride.

Well, de race was kinder equal. Lize wuz sorter on de fence;
Sam he had de mostes dollars, an` I had de mostes sense.

Things dey run along `bout eben tel der come Big Meetin` day;
Sam den thought, to win Miss Liza, he had foun` de shoest way.

An` you talk about big meetin`s! None been like it `fore nor sence;
Der wuz sich a crowd o` people dat we had to put up tents.

Der wuz preachers f`om de Eas`, an` `der wuz preachers f`om de Wes`;
Folks had kilt mos` eveh chicken, an` wuz fattenin` up de res`.

Gals had all got new w`ite dresses, an` bought ribbens fu` der hair,
Fixin` fu` de openin` Sunday, prayin` dat de day`d be fair.
 
Dat de Reveren` Jasper Jones of Mount Moriah, it wuz `low`d,
Wuz to preach de openin` sermon; so you know der wuz a crowd.

Fu` dat man wuz sho a preacher; had a voice jes like a bull;
So der ain`t no use in sayin` dat de meetin` house wuz full.

Folks wuz der f`om Big Pine Hollow, some come `way f`om Muddy Creek,
Some come jes to stay fu` Sunday, but de crowd stay`d thoo de week.

Some come ridin` in top-buggies wid de w`eels all painted red,
Pulled by mules dat run like rabbits, each one tryin` to git ahead.

Othah po`rer folks come drivin` mules dat leaned up `ginst de shaf`,
Hitched to broke-down, creaky wagons dat looked like dey`d drap in half.

But de bigges` crowd come walkin`, wid der new shoes on der backs;
`Scuse wuz dat dey couldn`t weah em `cause de heels wuz full o` tacks. 

Fact is, it`s a job for Job, a-trudgin` in de sun an` heat,
Down a long an` dusty clay road wid yo` shoes packed full o` feet.

`Cose dey stopt an` put dem shoes on w`en dey got mos` to de do`;
Den dey had to grin an` bear it; dat tuk good religion sho.

But I mos` forgot ma story,—well at las` dat Sunday came
And it seemed dat evehbody, blin` an` deef, an` halt an` lame,

Wuz out in de grove a-waitin` fu` de meetin` to begin;
Ef dat crowd had got converted `twould a been de end o` sin.

Lize wuz der in all her glory, purty ez a big sunflowah,
I kin `member how she looked jes same ez `twuz dis ve`y houah.

But to make ma story shorter, w`ile we wuz a-waitin` der,
Down de road we spied a cloud o` dus` dat filled up all de air.

An` ez we kep` on a-lookin`, out f`om `mongst dat ve`y cloud,
Sam, on Marse John`s big mule, Cæsar, rode right slam up in de crowd.

You jes oughtah seed dat darkey, `clar I like tah loss ma bref;
Fu` to use a common `spression, he wuz `bout nigh dressed to def.

He had slipped to town dat Sat`day, didn`t let nobody know,
An` had car`yd all his cash an` lef` it in de dry goods sto`.

He had on a bran` new suit o` sto`-bought clo`es, a high plug hat;
He looked `zactly like a gen`man, tain`t no use d`nyin` dat.

W`en he got down off dat mule an` bowed to Liza I could see
How she looked at him so `dmirin`, an` jes kinder glanced at me.

Den I know`d to win dat gal, I sho would need some othah means
`Sides a-hangin` `round big meetin` in a suit o` homespun jeans.

W`en dey blow`d de ho`n fu` preachin`, an` de crowd all went inside,
I jes felt ez doh I`d like tah go off in de woods an` hide.

So I stay`d outside de meetin`, set`n underneat` de trees,
Seemed to me I sot der ages, wid ma elbows on ma knees.

W`en dey sung dat hymn, "Nobody knows de trouble dat I see,"
Seem`d to me dat dey wuz singin` eveh word o` it fu` me.

Jes how long I might ha` sot der, actin` like a cussed fool,
I don`t know, but it jes happen`d dat I look`d an` saw Sam`s mule.

An` de thought come slowly tricklin` thoo ma brain right der an` den,
Dat, perhaps, wid some persuasion, I could make dat mule ma fren`.

An` I jes kep` on a-thinkin`, an` I kep` a-lookin` `roun`,
Tel I spied two great big san` spurs right close by me on de groun`.

Well, I took dem spurs an` put em underneat` o` Cæsar`s saddle,
So dey`d press down in his backbone soon ez Sam had got a-straddle.

`Twuz a pretty ticklish job, an` jes ez soon ez it wuz done,
I went back w`ere I wuz set`n fu` to wait an` see de fun.

Purty soon heah come de people, jes a-swa`min` out de do`,
Talkin` `bout de "pow`ful sermon"—"nevah heah`d de likes befo`."

How de "monahs fell convicted" jes de same ez lumps o` lead,
How dat some wuz still a-layin` same es if dey`d been struck dead.

An` to rectly heah come Liza, Sam a-strollin` by her side,
An` it seem`d to me dat darky`s smile wuz `bout twelve inches wide.

Look to me like he had swelled up to `bout twice his natchul size,
An` I heah`d him say, "I`d like to be yo` `scort to-night, Miss Lize."

Den he made a bow jes like he`s gwine to make a speech in school,
An` walk`d jes ez proud ez Marse John over to untie his mule,

W`en Sam`s foot fust touched de stirrup he know`d der wuz sump`n wrong;
`Cuz de mule begin to tremble an` to sorter side along.

W`en Sam raised his weight to mount him, Cæsar bristled up his ear,
W`en Sam sot down in de saddle, den dat mule cummenced to rear.

An` he reared an` pitched an` caper`d, only ez a mule kin pitch,
Tel he flung Sam clean f`om off him, landed him squar` in a ditch.

W`en dat darky riz, well raly, I felt kinder bad fu` him;
He had bust dem cheap sto` britches f`um de center to de rim.

All de plug hat dat wuz lef` him wuz de brim aroun` his neck,
Smear`d wid mud f`om top to bottom, well, he wuz a sight, I`speck.

Wuz de folks a-laffin`? Well, su`, I jes sholy thought dey`d bus`;
Wuz Sam laffin`? `Twuz de fus` time dat I evah heah`d him cuss.

W`ile Sam slink`d off thoo de backwoods I walk`d slowly home wid Lize,
W`en I axed her jes one question der wuz sump`n in her eyes

Made me know der wuz no need o` any answer bein` said,
An` I felt jes like de whole world wuz a-spinnin` `roun` ma head.

So I said, "Lize, w`en we marry, mus` I weah some sto`-bought clo`es?"
She says, "Jeans is good enough fu` any po` folks, heaben knows!"
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