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William Topaz McGonagall - Lines in Reply to the Beautiful Poet Who Welcomed News of McGonagall`s Departure from Dundee
Work rating: Low

Dear Johnny, I return my thanks to you;
But more than thanks is your due
For publishing the scurrilous poetry about me
Leaving the Ancient City of Dundee. 

The rhymster says, we`ll weary for your schauchlin` form;
But if I`m not mistaken I`ve seen bonnier than his in a field of corn;
And, as I venture to say and really suppose,
His form seen in a cornfield would frighten the crows. 

But, dear Johnny, as you said, he`s just a lampoon,
And as ugly and as ignorant as a wild baboon;
And, as far as I can judge or think,
He is a vendor of strong drink. 

He says my nose would make a peasemeal warrior weep;
But I`ve seen a much bonnier sweep,
And a more manly and wiser man
Than he is by far, deny it who can! 

And, in conclusion, I`d have him to beware,
And never again to interfere with a poet`s hair,
Because Christ the Saviour wore long hair,
And many more good men, I do declare. 

Therefore I laugh at such bosh that appears in print.
So I hope from me you will take the hint,
And never publish such bosh of poetry again,
Or else you`ll get the famous Weekly News a bad name.
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