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Jonathan Swift - A Letter To Dr. Helsham
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SIR,
  Pray discruciate what follows.


The dullest beast, and gentleman`s liquor,
When young is often due to the vicar,[1]


The dullest of beasts, and swine`s delight,
Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]


The dullest beast, when high in stature,
And another of royal nature,
For breeding is a useful creature.[3]


The dullest beast, and a party distress`d,
When too long, is bad at best.[4]


The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears,
Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]


The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat,
Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]


The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air,
Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]


The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues,
Is a person very unfit for intrigues.[8]


The dullest beast, and a cobbler`s tool,
With a boy that is only fit for school,
In summer is very pleasant and cool.[9]


The dullest beast, and that which you kiss,
May break a limb of master or miss.[10]


Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills,
Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.[11]


The dullest beast, and eggs unsound,
Without it I rather would walk on the ground.[12]


The dullest beast, and what covers a house,
Without it a writer is not worth a louse.[13]


The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin,
Of roast or boil`d, to the hungry is charming.[14]


The dullest beast, and what`s cover`d with crust,
There`s nobody but a fool that would trust.[15]


The dullest beast, and mending highways,
Is to a horse an evil disease.[16]


The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground,
Will dress a dinner worth five pound.[17]


The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend,
The cook-maid often has by the end.[18]


The dullest beast, and fish for lent,
May give you a blow you`ll for ever repent.[19]


The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer,
Without it a lady should never appear.[20]


Wednesday Night.


I writ all these before I went to bed. Pray explain them for me, because
I cannot do it.


[Footnote 1: A swine.]
[Footnote 2: A swallow.]
[Footnote 3: A stallion.]
[Footnote 4: A sail.]
[Footnote 5: A spaniel.]
[Footnote 6: A spur.]
[Footnote 7: A soul.]
[Footnote 8: A sloven.]
[Footnote 9: A sallad.]
[Footnote 10: A slip.]
[Footnote 11: A sparrow.]
[Footnote 12: A saddle.]
[Footnote 13: A style.]
[Footnote 14: A slice.]
[Footnote 15: A spy.]
[Footnote 16: A spavin.]
[Footnote 17: A spit.]
[Footnote 18: A skewer.]
[Footnote 19: Assault.]
[Footnote 20: A smock.]
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