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Amy Lowell - Reaping
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You want to know what`s the matter with me, do yer?
My! ain`t men blinder`n moles?
It ain`t nothin` new, be sure o` that.
Why, ef you`d had eyes you`d ha` seed
Me changin` under your very nose,
Each day a little diff`rent.
But you never see nothin`, you don`t.
Don`t touch me, Jake,
Don`t you dars`t to touch me,
I ain`t in no humour.
That`s what`s come over me;
Jest a change clear through.
You lay still, an` I`ll tell yer,
I`ve had it on my mind to tell yer
Fer some time.
It`s a strain livin` a lie from mornin` till night,
An` I`m goin` to put an end to it right now.
An` don`t make any mistake about one thing,
When I married yer I loved yer.
Why, your voice `ud make
Me go hot and cold all over,
An` your kisses most stopped my heart from beatin`.
Lord! I was a silly fool.
But that`s the way `twas.
Well, I married yer
An` thought Heav`n was comin`
To set on the door-step.
Heav`n didn`t do no settin`,
Though the first year warn`t so bad.
The baby`s fever threw you off some, I guess,
An` then I took her death real hard,
An` a mopey wife kind o` disgusts a man.
I ain`t blamin` yer exactly.
But that`s how `twas.
Do lay quiet,
I know I`m slow, but it`s harder to say `n I thought.
There come a time when I got to be
More wife agin than mother.
The mother part was sort of a waste
When we didn`t have no other child.
But you`d got used ter lots o` things,
An` you was all took up with the farm.
Many`s the time I`ve laid awake
Watchin` the moon go clear through the elm-tree,
Out o` sight.
I`d foller yer around like a dog,
An` set in the chair you`d be`n settin` in,
Jest to feel its arms around me,
So long`s I didn`t have yours.
It preyed on me, I guess,
Longin` and longin`
While you was busy all day, and snorin` all night.
Yes, I know you`re wide awake now,
But now ain`t then,
An` I guess you`ll think diff`rent
When I`m done.
Do you mind the day you went to Hadrock?
I didn`t want to stay home for reasons,
But you said someone `d have to be here
`Cause Elmer was comin` to see t` th` telephone.
An` you never see why I was so set on goin` with yer,
Our married life hadn`t be`n any great shakes,
Still marriage is marriage, an` I was raised God-fearin`.
But, Lord, you didn`t notice nothin`,
An` Elmer hangin` around all Winter!
`Twas a lovely mornin`.
The apple-trees was jest elegant
With their blossoms all flared out,
An` there warn`t a cloud in the sky.
You went, you wouldn`t pay no `tention to what I said,
An` I heard the Ford chuggin` for most a mile,
The air was so still.
Then Elmer come.
It`s no use your frettin`, Jake,
I`ll tell you all about it.
I know what I`m doin`,
An` what`s worse, I know what I done.
Elmer fixed th` telephone in about two minits,
An` he didn`t seem in no hurry to go,
An` I don`t know as I wanted him to go either,
I was awful mad at your not takin` me with yer,
An` I was tired o` wishin` and wishin`
An` gittin` no comfort.
I guess it ain`t necessary to tell yer all the things.
He stayed to dinner,
An` he helped me do the dishes,
An` he said a home was a fine thing,
An` I said dishes warn`t a home
Nor yet the room they`re in.
He said a lot o` things,
An` I fended him off at first,
But he got talkin` all around me,
Clost up to the things I`d be`n thinkin`,
What`s the use o` me goin` on, Jake,
You know.
He got all he wanted,
An` I give it to him,
An` what`s more, I`m glad!
I ain`t dead, anyway,
An` somebody thinks I`m somethin`.
Keep away, Jake,
You can kill me to-morrer if you want to,
But I`m goin` to have my say.
Funny thing! Guess I ain`t made to hold a man.
Elmer ain`t be`n here for mor`n two months.
I don`t want to pretend nothin`,
Mebbe if he`d be`n lately
I shouldn`t have told yer.
I`ll go away in the mornin`, o` course.
What you want the light fer?
I don`t look no diff`rent.
Ain`t the moon bright enough
To look at a woman that`s deceived yer by?
Don`t, Jake, don`t, you can`t love me now!
It ain`t a question of forgiveness.
Why! I`d be thinkin` o` Elmer ev`ry minute;
It ain`t decent.
Oh, my God! It ain`t decent any more either way!
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