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Eugene Field - Apple-Pie And Cheese
Work rating: Low

Full many a sinful notion
  Conceived of foreign powers
Has come across the ocean
  To harm this land of ours;
And heresies called fashions
  Have modesty effaced,
And baleful, morbid passions
  Corrupt our native taste.
O tempora! O mores!
  What profanations these
That seek to dim the glories
  Of apple-pie and cheese!

I`m glad my education
  Enables me to stand
Against the vile temptation
  Held out on every hand;
Eschewing all the tittles
  With vanity replete,
I`m loyal to the victuals
  Our grandsires used to eat!
I`m glad I`ve got three willing boys
  To hang around and tease
Their mother for the filling joys
  Of apple-pie and cheese!

Your flavored creams and ices
  And your dainty angel-food
Are mighty fine devices
  To regale the dainty dude;
Your terrapin and oysters,
  With wine to wash `em down,
Are just the thing for roisters
  When painting of the town;
No flippant, sugared notion
  Shall my appetite appease,
Or bate my soul`s devotion
  To apple-pie and cheese!

The pie my Julia makes me
  (God bless her Yankee ways!)
On memory`s pinions takes me
  To dear Green Mountain days;
And seems like I see Mother
  Lean on the window-sill,
A-handin` me and brother
  What she knows `ll keep us still;
And these feelings are so grateful,
  Says I, "Julia, if you please,
I`ll take another plateful
  Of that apple-pie and cheese!"

And cheese! No alien it, sir,
  That`s brought across the sea,—
No Dutch antique, nor Switzer,
  Nor glutinous de Brie;
There`s nothing I abhor so
  As mawmets of this ilk—
Give me the harmless morceau
  That`s made of true-blue milk!
No matter what conditions
   Dyspeptic come to feaze,
The best of all physicians
  Is apple-pie and cheese!

Though ribalds may decry `em,
  For these twin boons we stand,
Partaking thrice per diem
  Of their fullness out of hand;
No enervating fashion
  Shall cheat us of our right
To gratify our passion
  With a mouthful at a bite!
We`ll cut it square or bias,
  Or any way we please,
And faith shall justify us
  When we carve our pie and cheese!

De gustibus, `t is stated,
  Non disputandum est.
Which meaneth, when translated,
  That all is for the best.
So let the foolish choose `em
  The vapid sweets of sin,
I will not disabuse `em
  Of the heresy they`re in;
But I, when I undress me
  Each night, upon my knees
Will ask the Lord to bless me
  With apple-pie and cheese!
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