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Banjo Paterson - The Ballad of Ashantie Pagoda
Work rating: Low

`Or How the Brigadier Got the Order of the Nile and the Servian White Eagle`

"I write that he who reads may run
Of Colonel Ashantie Pagoda
Who thought no day was well begun
Unless begun with whisky-soda.

"And when he entertained a friend
All thoughts of slumber proudly scorning
He thought no day should have to end
Till half past four o’clock next morning.

"Though poor his gain in worldly gear
He lived his life upon the level
His soldiers said he stood in fear
Of neither hog nor dog nor devil.

"And when he moved against the Turk
They paused in intervals of drinking
To whisper, “There’ll be dirty work
At the crossroads, tonight I’m thinking”.

"The Brigadier whom he obeyed
Was what is called a ‘Regimental’
His gallantry had been displayed
In actions at The Continental.

"He’d gained distinctions orthodox
The D.S.O and Croix de Wowsers
By ordering all Lieutenants socks
Should match the colour of their trousers.

"At camp inspections he was great
For dixie lids he knew the right wash.
At lectures he would rise and state
The to fame is paved with whitewash.

"But when he moved against the Turk
To mop ‘em up and put ‘em through it
He didn’t know the fighting work
So old Pagoda had to do it.

"Now let us hear a story true
About a fight as soldiers view it
They know but little what they do
And know still less of why they do it.

"But even toads have jewels bright
Within their heads, so some old stager
May get an inkling of a fight
- Let’s hear the Squadron Sergeant-Major.

"The whole kaboose moved out at dawn
- Column of route, our squadron leadin’
And never yet since I was born
Have I seen anything more bleedin’.

"Twas just what always is the case
The rest was told to halt and set there
While we was sent to some wrong place
And then mistook the road to get there.

“We marches twenty miles, I guess
with hills and rocks around us scowlin’
- Talk of a howling wilderness
So help me, you could hear it howlin’.

“We had no guides and we was sore
To find some Turks that we could score on
We caught some Bedouin who swore
They didn’t know there was a war on.

“We perished on until I think
We must have crossed the Turkish borders
And not a bloomin’ drop to drink
And not a bloomin’ word of orders.

“The Colonel say to me, “Here, you,
You’re always there when trouble’s brewin’
Ride up that hill and have a view
And see if you can see what’s doin’.’

“So up I goes and there I sees
The finest sight that you could show me
For there was Turks as thick as bees
All squatted in the plain below me.

“So when we’re getting off to fire
A chap comes riding’ hell for leather
Says he, “Your orders are to retire
The Turks are too strong altogether.

“We’ve fought all day, we’re fightin’ still”
Your must retire, you can’t pursue ‘em.’
Rright, says old Ashantie, “I Will
I’ll bloomin’ well retire right through ‘em.

“See here, says he, “You son of guns
This force,’ say he, We’ve ridden round ‘em
We’ve looked all day for Turks and Huns
And now thank Gawd at last we’ve found ‘em.

“Our camp to headquarters goes
Direct across the Turk position
So I’m entitled I suppose
To go straight home with that permission.

“Fix bay’nets, walk, march, open out!
Now, boys, go at em, hell for leather!
We fixes spikes and gives a shout
And charges down the hill together.

“Good Lord you should have heard the din
The rattlin’ tins, the horses fallin’
And just as we was closin’ in
The Jackos and the Germans squallin’.

“We gives ‘em nothin’! Strike me blue
they thought we was a whole division
Before they’d formed we’d ridden through
The camp and captured the position.

“They turned it in: three thousand head
Of Turkish prisoners there we counted
And old Pagoda grinned and said
‘Well cavalry’s some use when mounted.’

“They’d been there fighting all day long
The Brigadier’d already wired
To say the Turks was far too strong
And all our troops had been retired.

“He had to cancel all he’d sent
The wires grew hot with telegraphin’
And those who tumbled what it meant
Were fit to split their sides with laughin’.
~~
Here ends the Sergeants story true
Of how we captured Turks in plenty
The rest was done by G.H.Q.
See G.R.O. 1/19/20.

The Brigadier Commanding Force
Is hereby warmly complimented,
A whole Brigade of Turkish Horse
He first attacked, then circumvented.

The Nile Boil, and the Servian Stain
Are his to wear within our borders,
But Ashantie will ‘please explain’
For misinterpreting his orders.
Source
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