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Edgar Guest - My Word!
Work rating: Low

You can tyke h`it from me, `e`s as cool as a cucumber,
Never goes balmy h`or loses `is `ead,
Nothing h`at all h`ever robs `im of slumber;
Once when I told `im `is rich h`aunt was dead,
`E looked h`at me blandly,
H`and stryngely h`and grandly,
H`and stroked `is moustache as though `e `adn`t `eard;
Flicked a speck h`off `is coat,
H`and then cleared h`out `is throat,
H`and put on `is topper, remarking: "My word!"

Cool h`as an h`oyster along h`in December---
Once h`I was riding with `im h`in a tryne,
The detyles h`I cannot h`exactly remember,
But something went wrong with th` bally h`old line.
There cyme a great crash,
H`and a `orrible smash;
H`I shouted at once: "Something h`orful`s h`ocurred!"
`E `eard women crying,
H`and looked h`at the dying,
H`and cooly survying the scene, said: "My word!"

Larst week `is h`old `omestead was burned down to h`ashes,
H`and while h`it was burning they notified `im;
The firemen were shouting h`and myking mad dashes
To resue `is wife, but their charnces were slim;
At larst through the smoke
There h`appeared h`a bryve bloke
With `is wife h`in `is arms, h`an` they slowly descended;
Then did `e go dotty
With h`ectasy?  Not `e---
`E merely remarked: "O my word, that h`is splendid!"
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