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Edgar Guest - The Lost Purse
Work rating: Low

I remember the excitement and the terrible alarm
That worried everybody when William broke his arm;
An` how frantic Pa and Ma got only jes` the other day
When they couldn`t find the baby coz he`d up an` walked away;
But I`m sure there`s no excitement that our house has ever shook
Like the times Ma can`t remember where she`s put her pocketbook.

When the laundry man is standin` at the door an` wants his pay
Ma hurries in to get it, an` the fun starts right away.
She hustles to the sideboard, coz she knows exactly where
She can put her hand right on it, but alas! it isn`t there.
She tries the parlor table an` she goes upstairs to look,
An` once more she can`t remember where she put her pocketbook.

She tells us that she had it just a half an hour ago,
An` now she cannot find it though she`s hunted high and low;
She`s searched the kitchen cupboard an` the bureau drawers upstairs,
An` it`s not behind the sofa nor beneath the parlor chairs.
She makes us kids get busy searching every little nook,
An` this time says she`s certain that she`s lost her pocketbook.

She calls Pa at the office an` he laughs I guess, for then
She always mumbles something `bout the heartlessness of men.
She calls to mind a peddler who came to the kitchen door,
An` she`s certain from his whiskers an` the shabby clothes he wore
An` his dirty shirt an` collar that he must have been a crook,
An` she`s positive that feller came and got her pocketbook.

But at last she allus finds it in some queer an` funny spot,
Where she`d put it in a hurry, an` had somehow clean forgot;
An` she heaves a sigh of gladness, an` she says, "Well, I declare,
I would take an oath this minute that I never put it there."
An` we`re peaceable an` quiet till next time Ma goes to look
An` finds she can`t remember where she put her pocketbook.
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