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Edgar Guest - Mrs. Malone And The Censor
Work rating: Low

When Mrs. Malone got a letter from Pat
She started to read it aloud in her flat.
"Dear Mary," it started, "I can`t tell you much,
I`m somewhere in France, and I`m fightin` the Dutch;
I`m chokin` wid news thot I`d like to relate,
But it`s little a soldier`s permitted t` state.
Do ye mind Red McPhee--well, he fell in a ditch
An` busted an arrm, but I can`t tell ye which.

"An` Paddy O`Hara was caught in a flame
An` rescued by--Faith, I can`t tell ye his name.
Last night I woke up wid a terrible pain;
I thought for awhile it would drive me insane.
Oh, the suff`rin, I had was most dreadful t` bear!
I`m sorry, my dear, but I can`t tell ye where.
The doctor he gave me a pill, but I find
It`s conthrary to rules t` disclose here the kind.

"I`ve been t` the dintist an` had a tooth out.
I`m sorry t` leave you so shrouded in doubt
But the best I can say is that one tooth is gone,
The censor won`t let me inform ye which one.
I met a young fellow who knows ye right well,
An` ye know him, too, but his name I can`t tell.
He`s Irish, red-headed, an` there with th` blarney,
His folks once knew your folks back home in Killarney."

"By gorry," said Mrs. Malone in her flat,
"It`s hard t` make sinse out av writin` like that,
But I`ll give him as good as he sends, that I will."
So she went right to work with her ink well an` quill,
An` she wrote, "I suppose ye`re dead eager fer news--
You know when ye left we were buyin` the shoes;
Well, the baby has come, an` we`re both doin` well;
It`s a ----. Oh, but that`s somethin` they won`t let me tell."
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