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Edgar Guest - A Bear Story
Work rating: Low

There was a bear — his name was Jim,
An` children weren`t askeered of him,
An` he lived in a cave, where he
Was confortubbul as could be,
An` in that cave, so my Pa said,
Jim always kept a stock of bread
An` honey, so that he could treat
The boys an` girls along his street.

An` all that Jim could say was "Woof!"
An` give a grunt that went like "Soof!"
An` Pa says when his grunt went off
It sounded jus` like Grandpa`s cough,
Or like our Jerry when he`s mad
An` growls at peddler men that`s bad.
While grown-ups were afraid of Jim,
Kids could do anything with him.

One day a little boy like me
That had a sister Marjorie,
Was walking through the woods, an` they
Heard something "woofing" down that way,
An` they was scared an` stood stock still
An` wished they had a gun to kill
Whatever `twas, but little boys
Don`t have no guns that make a noise.

An` soon the "woofing" closer grew,
An` then a bear came into view,
The biggest bear you ever saw —
Ma`s muff was smaller than his paw.
He saw the children an` he said:
"I ain`t a-goin` to kill you dead;
You needn`t turn away an` run;
I`m only scarin` you for fun."

An` then he stood up just like those
Big bears in circuses an` shows,
An` danced a jig, an` rolled about
An` said "Woof! Woof!" which meant "Look out!"
An` turned a somersault as slick
As any boy can do the trick.
Those children had been told of Jim
An` they decided it was him.

They stroked his nose when they got brave,
An` followed him into his cave,
An` Jim asked them if they liked honey,
They said they did. Said Jim: "That`s funny.
I`ve asked a thousand boys or so
That question, an` not one`s said no."
What happened then I cannot say
`Cause next I knew `twas light as day.
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