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Edgar Guest - The Bachelor`s Soliloquy
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To wed, or not to wed; that is the question;
Whether `tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The bills and house rent of a wedded fortune,
Or to say "nit" when she proposes,
And by declining cut her. To wed; to smoke
No more; And have a wife at home to mend
The holes in socks and shirts
And underwear and so forth. `Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To wed for life;
To wed; perchance to fight; ay, there`s the rub;
For in that married life what fights may come,
When we have honeymooning ceased
Must give us pause; there`s the respect
That makes the joy of single life.
For who would bear her mother`s scornful tongue,
Canned goods for tea, the dying furnace fire;
The pangs of sleepless nights when baby cries;
The pain of barking shins upon a chair and
Closing waists that button down the back,
When he himself might all these troubles shirk
With a bare refusal? Who would bundles bear,
And grunt and sweat under a shopping load?
Who would samples match; buy rats for hair,
Cart cheese and crackers home to serve at night
For lunch to feed your friends; play pedro
After tea; sing rag time songs, amusing
Friendly neighbors. Buy garden tools
To lend unto the same. Stay home at nights
In smoking coat and slippers and slink to bed
At ten o`clock to save the light bills?
Thus duty does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of matrimony
Is sicklied o`er with the pale cast of chores;
And thus the gloss of marriage fades away,
And loses its attraction.
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