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Edgar Guest - Ma And The Auto
Work rating: Medium

Before we take an auto ride Pa says to Ma: "My dear,
Now just remember I don`t need suggestions from the rear.
If you will just sit still back there and hold in check your fright,
I`ll take you where you want to go and get you back all right.
Remember that my hearing`s good and also I`m not blind,
And I can drive this car without suggestions from behind."

Ma promises that she`ll keep still, then off we gaily start,
But soon she notices ahead a pedlar and his cart.
"You`d better toot your horn," says she, "to let him know we`re near;
He might turn out!" and Pa replies: "Just shriek at him, my dear."
And then he adds: "Some day, some guy will make a lot of dough
By putting horns on tonneau seats for womenfolks to blow!"

A little farther on Ma cries: "He signalled for a turn!"
And Pa says: "Did he?" in a tone that`s hot enough to burn.
"Oh, there`s a boy on roller skates!" cries Ma. "Now do go slow.
I`m sure he doesn`t see our car." And Pa says: "I dunno,
I think I don`t need glasses yet, but really it may be
That I am blind and cannot see what`s right in front of me."

If Pa should speed the car a bit some rigs to hurry past
Ma whispers: "Do be careful now.  You`re driving much too fast."
And all the time she`s pointing out the dangers of the street
And keeps him posted on the roads where trolley cars he`ll meet.
Last night when we got safely home, Pa sighed and said: "My dear,
I`m sure we`ve all enjoyed the drive you gave us from the rear!"
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