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James Whitcomb Riley - Tugg Martin
Work rating: Low

I.

  Tugg Martin`s tough.--No doubt o` that!
        And down there at
  The town he come from word`s bin sent
  Advisin` this-here Settle-ment
    To kindo` _humor_ Tugg, and not
        To git him hot--
  Jest pass his imperfections by,
  And he`s as good as pie!


  II.

  They claim he`s _wanted_ back there.--Yit
  The officers they mostly quit
        _Insistin`_ when
  They notice Tugg`s so _back`ard_, and
  Sorto` gives `em to understand
    He druther not!--A Deputy
    (The slickest one you ever see!)
  Tackled him _last_--"disguisin` then,"
  As Tugg says, "as a gentlemen!"--
    You `d ort o` hear _Tugg_ tell it!--_My_!
        I thought I`d _die_!

  III.

  The way it wuz;--Tugg and the rest
        The boys wuz jest
  A-kindo` gittin` thawed out, down
  At "Guss`s Place," fur-end o` town,
    One night, when, first we knowed,
        Some feller rode
  Up in a buggy at the door,
    And hollered fer some one to come
        And fetch him some
  Red-licker out--And whirped and swore
  That colt he drove wuz "_Thompson`s_" shore!


  IV.

  Guss went out, and come in agin
    And filled a pint and tuck it out--
  Stayed quite a spell--then peeked back in,
    Half-hid-like where the light wuz dim,
        And jieuked his head
        At Tugg and said,--
  "Come out a minute--here`s a gent
    Wants you to take a drink with him."


  V.

  Well--Tugg laid down his cards and went--
      In fact, _we all_
        Got up, you know,
        _Startin`_ to go--
  When in reels Guss aginst the wall,
        As white as snow,
  Gaspin`,--"_He`s tuck Tugg!--wher`s my gun_?"
    And-sir, outside we heerd
  The hoss snort and kick up his heels
    Like he wuz skeerd,
  And then the buggy-wheels
  Scrape--and then Tugg`s voice hollerun`,--
    "I`m bested!--Good-bye, fellers!" . . . `Peared
        S` all-fired suddent,
        Nobody couldn`t
  Jest git it fixed,--tel hoss and man,
    Buggy and Tugg, off through the dark
  Went like the devil beatin` tan-
        Bark!


  VI.

  What _could_ we do? . . . We filed back to
    The bar: And Guss jest _looked_ at us,
  And we looked back "The same as you,"
  Still sayin` nothin`--And the sap
        It stood in every eye,
  And every hat and cap
  Went off, as we teched glasses solemnly,
        And Guss says-he:
  "Ef it`s `good-bye` with Tugg, fer _shore_,--I say
        God bless him!--Er ef they
        Aint railly no _need_ to pray,
  I`m not reniggin!--board`s the play,
  And here`s God bless him, anyway!"


  VII.

  It must a-bin an hour er so
        We all set there,
    Talkin o` pore
        Old Tugg, you know,
    `At never, wuz ketched up before--
    When--all slow-like--the door-
  Knob turned--and Tugg come shamblin` in,
    Hand-cuffed`--`at`s what he wuz, I swear!--
        Yit smilin,` like he hadn`t bin
    Away at all!  And when we ast him where
    The _Deputy_ wuz at,--"I don`t know where," Tugg said,--
        "All _I_ know is--he`s dead."
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