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James Whitcomb Riley - Jap Miller
Work rating: Low

Jap Miller down at Martinsville`s the blamedest feller yit!
  When _he_ starts in a-talkin` other folks is apt to quit!--
  `Pears like that mouth o` his`n wuz n`t made fer nuthin` else
  But jes` to argify `em down and gether in their pelts:
  He`ll talk you down on tariff; er he`ll talk you down on tax,
  And prove the pore man pays `em all--and them`s about the fac`s!--
  Religen, law, er politics, prize-fightin`, er base-ball--
  Jes` tetch Jap up a little and he`ll post you `bout `em all.

  And the comicalist feller ever tilted back a cheer
  And tuck a chaw tobacker kind o` like he did n`t keer.--
  There`s where the feller`s strength lays,--he`s so
          common-like and plain,--
  They haint no dude about old Jap, you bet you--nary grain!
  They `lected him to Council and it never turned his head,
  And did n`t make no differunce what anybody said,--
  He didn`t dress no finer, ner rag out in fancy clothes;
  But his voice in Council-meetin`s is a turrer to his foes.

  He`s fer the pore man ever` time!  And in the last campaign
  He stumped old Morgan County, through the sunshine and the rain,
  And helt the banner up`ards from a-trailin` in the dust,
  And cut loose on monopolies and cuss`d and cuss`d and cuss`d!
  He`d tell some funny story ever` now and then, you know,
  Tel, blame it! it wuz better `n a jack-o`-lantern show!
  And I`d go furder, yit, to-day, to hear old Jap norate
  Than any high-toned orator `at ever stumped the State!

  W`y, that-air blame Jap Miller, with his keen sircastic fun,
  Has got more friends than ary candidate `at ever run!
  Do n`t matter what _his_ views is, when he states the same to you,
  They allus coincide with your`n, the same as two and two:
  You _can`t_ take issue with him--er, at least, they haint no sense
  In startin` in to down him, so you better not commence.--
  The best way`s jes` to listen, like your humble servant does,
  And jes` concede Jap Miller is the best man ever wuz!
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