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James Whitcomb Riley - The Way It Wuz
Work rating: Low

Las` July--an`, I persume
    `Bout as hot
  As the ole Gran`-Jury room
    Where they sot!--
  Fight `twixt Mike an` Dock McGriff--
  `Pears to me jes` like as if
    I`d a dremp` the whole blame thing--
      Allus ha`nts me roun` the gizzard
    When they`re nightmares on the wing,
        An` a feller`s blood`s jes` friz!
      Seed the row from a to izzard--
    `Cause I wuz a-standin` as clost to `em
        As me an` you is!

  Tell you the way it wuz--
    An` I do n`t want to see,
  Like _some_ fellers does,
    When they `re goern to be
  Any kind o` fuss--
  On`y makes a rumpus wuss
    Far to interfere
      When their dander`s riz--
  But I wuz a-standin` as clost to `em
  As me an` you is!

  I wuz kind o` strayin`
    Past the blame saloon--
  Heerd some fiddler playin`
    That "ole hee-cup tune!"
  Sort o` stopped, you know,
  Far a minit er so,
    And wuz jes` about

  Settin` down, when--_Jeemses-whizz!_
    Whole durn winder-sash fell out!
  An` there laid Doc McGriff, and Mike
  A-straddlin` him, all bloody-like,
    An` both a-gittin` down to biz!--
  An` I wuz a-standin` as clost to `em
      As me an` you is!

  I wuz the on`y man aroun`--
  (Durn old-fogy town!
    `Peared more like, to me,
      _Sund`y_ `an _Saturd`y!)_
    Dog come `crost the road
      An` tuck a smell
        An` put right back;
    Mishler driv by `ith a load
      O` cantalo`pes he couldn`t sell--
        Too mad, `y jack!
    To even ast
    What wuz up, as he went past!
  Weather most outrageous hot!--
      Fairly hear it sizz
  Roun` Dock an` Mike--till Dock he shot,
      An` Mike he slacked that grip o` his
      An` fell, all spraddled out. Dock riz
    `Bout half up, a-spittin` red,
    An` shuck his head--
  An` I wuz a-standin` as clost to `em
    As me an` you is!

  An` Dock he says,
    A-whisperin`-like,--
    "It hain`t no use
    A-tryin`!--Mike
      He`s jes` ripped my daylights loose!--
  Git that blame-don fiddler to
  Let up, an` come out here--You
  Got some burryin` to do,--
    Mike makes _one_, an` I expects
  In ten seconds I`ll make _two_!"
    And he drapped back, where he riz,
  `Crost Mike`s body, black and blue,
    Like a great big letter X!--
  An` I wuz a-standin` as clost to `em
    As me an` you is!
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