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George MacDonald - Within and Without: Part IV: A Dramatic Poem
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When I have laid my little one to rest
Among the flowers in that same sunny spot,
Straight from her grave I`ll take my pilgrim-way;
And, calling up all old forgotten skill,
Lapsed social claims, and knowledge of mankind,
I`ll be a man once more in the loud world.
Revived experience in its winding ways,
Senses and wits made sharp by sleepless love,
If all the world were sworn to secrecy,
Will guide me to her, sure as questing Death.
I`ll follow my wife, follow until I die.
How shall I face the Shepherd of the sheep,
Without the one ewe-lamb he gave to me?
How find her in great Hades, if not here
In this poor little round O of a world?
I`ll follow my wife, follow until I find.

Re-enter Jew.

Well, how much? Name your sum. Be liberal.

Jew.
Let me see this room, too. The things are all
Old-fashioned and ill-kept. They`re worth but little.

Julian.
Say what you will—only make haste and go.

Jew.
Say twenty pounds?

Julian.
Well, fetch the money at once,
And take possession. But make haste, I pray.


SCENE XXIV.—The country-churchyard. JULIAN standing by LILY`S
new-filled grave. He looks very worn and ill.

Julian.
Now I can leave thee safely to thy sleep;
Thou wilt not wake and miss me, my fair child!
Nor will they, for she`s fair, steal this ewe-lamb
Out of this fold, while I am gone to seek
And find the wandering mother of my lamb.
I cannot weep; I know thee with me still.
Thou dost not find it very dark down there?
Would I could go to thee; I long to go;
My limbs are tired; my eyes are sleepy too;
And fain my heart would cease this beat, beat, beat.
O gladly would I come to thee, my child,
And lay my head upon thy little heart,
And sleep in the divine munificence
Of thy great love! But my night has not come;
She is not rescued yet. Good-bye, little one.

[He turns, but sinks on the grave. Recovering and rising.]

Now for the world—that`s Italy, and her!


SCENE XXV.—The empty room, formerly Lilia`s.

Enter JULIAN.

Julian.
How am I here? Alas! I do not know.
I should have been at sea.—Ah, now I know!
I have come here to die.

[Lies down on the floor.]
Where`s Lilia?
I cannot find her. She is here, I know.
But oh these endless passages and stairs,
And dreadful shafts of darkness! Lilia!
Lilia! wait for me, child; I`m coming fast,
But something holds me. Let me go, devil!
My Lilia, have faith; they cannot hurt you.
You are God`s child—they dare not touch you, wife.
O pardon me, my beautiful, my own!

[Sings.]

Wind, wind, thou blowest many a drifting thing
From sheltering cove, down to the unsheltered sea;
Thou blowest to the sea ray blue sail`s wing—
Us to a new, love-lit futurity:
Out to the ocean fleet and float—
Blow, blow my little leaf-like boat.

[While he sings, enter LORD SEAFORD, pale and haggard.]

JULIAN descries him suddenly.
What are you, man? O brother, bury me—
There`s money in my pocket—

[Emptying the Jew`s gold on the floor.]

by my child.

[Staring at him.]

Oh! you are Death. Go, saddle the pale horse—
I will not walk—I`ll ride. What, skeleton!
I cannot sit him! ha! ha! Hither, brute!
Here, Lilia, do the lady`s task, my child,
And buckle on my spurs. I`ll send him up
With a gleam through the blue, snorting white foam-flakes.
Ah me! I have not won my golden spurs,
Nor is there any maid to bind them on:

I will not ride the horse, I`ll walk with thee.
Come, Death, give me thine arm, good slave!—we`ll go.

Lord Seaford (stooping over him).
I am Seaford, Count.

Julian.

Seaford! What Seaford?

[Recollecting.]

—Seaford!

[Springing to his feet.]

Where is my wife?

[He falls into SEAFORD`S arms. He lays him down.]

Lord S.
Had I seen him, she had been safe for me.

[Goes.]

[JULIAN lies motionless. Insensibility passes into sleep. He
wakes calm, in the sultry dusk of a summer evening.]

Julian.
Still, still alive! I thought that I was dead.
I had a frightful dream. `Tis gone, thank God!

[He is quiet a little.]

So then thou didst not take the child away
That I might find my wife! Thy will be done.
Thou wilt not let me go. This last desire
I send away with grief, but willingly.
I have prayed to thee, and thou hast heard my prayer:
Take thou thine own way, only lead her home.
Cleanse her, O Lord. I cannot know thy might;
But thou art mighty, with a power unlike
All, all that we know by the name of power,
Transcending it as intellect transcends
`The stone upon the ground—it may be more,
For these are both created—thou creator,
Lonely, supreme.

Now it is almost over,
My spirit`s journey through this strange sad world;
This part is done, whatever cometh next.
Morning and evening have made out their day;
My sun is going down in stormy dark,
But I will face it fearless.
The first act Is over of the drama.—Is it so?
What means this dim dawn of half-memories?

There`s something I knew once and know not now!—
A something different from all this earth!
It matters little; I care not—only know
That God will keep the living thing he made.
How mighty must he be to have the right
Of swaying this great power I feel I am—
Moulding and forming it, as pleaseth him!
O God, I come to thee! thou art my life;
O God, thou art my home; I come to thee.

Can this be death? Lo! I am lifted up
Large-eyed into the night. Nothing I see
But that which is, the living awful Truth—
All forms of which are but the sparks flung out
From the luminous ocean clothing round the sun,
Himself all dark. Ah, I remember me:
Christ said to Martha—"Whosoever liveth,
And doth believe in me, shall never die"!
I wait, I wait, wait wondering, till the door
Of God`s wide theatre be open flung
To let me in. What marvels I shall see!
The expectation fills me, like new life
Dancing through all my veins.

Once more I thank thee
For all that thou hast made me—most of all,
That thou didst make me wonder and seek thee.
I thank thee for my wife: to thee I trust her;
Forget her not, my God. If thou save her,
I shall be able then to thank thee so
As will content thee—with full-flowing song,
The very bubbles on whose dancing waves
Are daring thoughts flung faithful at thy feet.

My heart sinks in me.—I grow faint. Oh! whence
This wind of love that fans me out of life?
One stoops to kiss me!—Ah, my lily child!
God hath not flung thee over his garden-wall.

[Re-enter LORD SEAFORD with the doctor. JULIAN takes no
heed of them. The doctor shakes his head.]

My little child, I`ll never leave thee more;
We are both children now in God`s big house.
Come, lead me; you are older here than I
By three whole days, my darling angel-child!

[A letter is brought in. LORD SEAFORD holds it before
JULIAN`S eyes. He looks vaguely at it.]

Lord S.
It is a letter from your wife, I think.

Julian (feebly).
A letter from my Lilia! Bury it with me—
I`ll read it in my chamber, by and by:
Dear words should not be read with others nigh.
Lilia, my wife! I am going home to God.

Lord S. (pending over him)
Your wife is innocent. I know she is.

JULIAN gazes at him blankly. A light begins to grow in his
eyes. It grows till his face is transfigured. It vanishes.
He dies.
Source
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